Haircut

I have this silly superstition about haircut. I believe (yes I still believe) that cutting hair makes me lose a part of me.

I just had a haircut few days ago, and here is the story behind my haircuts.

It all started when I was in primary school. I used to observe that my grades of those papers that commence shortly after my haircuts were worse than average. My younger self who used to read bible stories thought that I was somehow related to / reincarnated from Samson who will be weakened if his hair is cut. That’s why I never cut my hair before any tests because I believed that I will lose some of my knowledge if I did. This practice dates back to my upper primary years.

When I went into secondary school, like every teens I went through a lot of emotional up and down. Puberty sucks. Anyway, having a haircut after a bad period somehow always makes me feel better. Hence, I further my theory about haircut: Haircuts doesn’t make me lose my knowledge per se, but instead it makes me lose a part of me. It’s just my theory about myself. Don’t shoot me if it doesn’t work for you. It only applies to me. Hence you can see that after major setbacks in my life, I will almost always cut my hair short or in a different style.

If you think that’s all, you are wrong. If I’m not wrong, I used to share my philosophy and theories about life with my classmates. Those closer to me will know that I believe that everything is just a replica everything else but in different scales or sense (Yes, Charissa, if you are reading this, I’m talking about Core-logy). Life is like an omnibus of assorted stories. Haircut for me is like the last full-stop of a short story. After the full-stop, i.e. haircut, everything is about a whole different story, filled with different emotions, plots, characters. So if you see me cut my hair, I’m beginning a new chapter of my life (that is if I’m not forced by any rules or any organization to cut my hair).

I’ve just had my hair cut a few days ago, and here is the reason why.

I’m an emo person despite my cheerful appearance. I emo about everything and this time it’s about everything that happened between A-levels, my father’s hospitalization and university application. I cut my hair so that I could put all this behind me and concentrate on what’s next but not let all my past disappointments bog me down.

Thank you, God, for creating Samson, for giving me inspiration through the bible. Pray that You will renew my strength as you did for Samson for every haircut I had.

Alcohol and Me

I have been wondering for a while now, what is so nice about alcohol.
What triggered me into writing this? Yes, its YOU who triggered me to write this by ordering that bottle Heineken the other day. :)

My history of alcohol is as follow.

My first drop of alcohol was when I was in primary 2. It was tuak. For the benefit of those who are not Malaysian, it's a homemade alcoholic drink made from fermented coconut sap. I was tricked by my parent's friend, saying that it is barley during his house warming party. The young and innocent me, who was a great barley drink fans drank it without hesitation. To my horror, it was bitter and it tasted funky. It smells too. Too bad I gulped it in already. And suffered greatly due to the aftertaste.

My second experience of alcohol was when I was in primary 3, not even a few months after the first. It was a Carsberg this time. This time it was during a family gathering. Here's the story. My mum kind of "experimented" if I can tolerate more to seafood by giving me the second deadliest of the crustacean - the CRAB! despite knowing I have allergy toward seafood. If you think my mum is cruel, she is not. Here's the reason why. My aunt told my mum that a child allergy tolerance will increase as he grows. My mum barely wants to know my "progress". So, after consuming what my indian friend describe as the uglisest food he ever seen, my throat started to itch very badly, inside. In a frenzy to stop the itching, I grabbed the nearest glass i can find and emptied the content into my mouth. The nearest glass happened to be my dad's carlsberg. It was so bad that I got sick the next day. And from that day I swore to never touch alcohol again (and until today I blame my aunt for that incident).

And I never did until February 2009. My friend treated me to Japanese sake in another of the parties. It was quite refreshing from the smelly alcohol from my previous two encounters. And it made me say to myself, "Hurmm... Alcohol doesn't taste that bad, maybe I should drink it more often." But too bad for alcohol, instead of redeeming its status in my heart, it dropped lower than it was before just a few days ago due to my fourth encounter.

THE HEINEKEN. Curse the night I went out with my friend to the Sense bistro. It's not that the alcohol has any real taste, it just stinks. Everything was ok until that night. I couldn't sleep properly because my stomach is rumbling non stop. And the next day, the effect became worse. My muscles twitched randomly at very random moment. Although its not the knee jerking kinda twitch, it is very annoying and distracting. Furthermore, I had a very bad headache that morning. It felt as though my face got rammed by a bullet train.

Sorry alcohol. As you can see, it's not due to the adverse effect on health that stop me from liking alcohol. It is just my history with alcohol ain't that sweet. Alcohol lovers, don't take it personally.

note: I'm very proud of my dad. He was an alcoholic when I was younger. He used to drink non-stop throughout a chinese wedding dinner (takes about 3-4 hours. and usually he will down like 15++ bottles, no kidding) and still sober enough to drive home. But he managed to abstain himself from alcohol just because my mum asked him to as [ her birthday present? peace offering? I'm not that sure about the whole story]. The point is he stopped consuming alcohol and I'm proud of him because he did that and he did that for his family.

of 粽子 and 屈原

Since the dragon boat festival is around the corner, Chinese meat dumpling (粽子）is ubiquitous. Everywhere you turn, 粽子 is there to greet you. I'm sure most of you guys know about the story of how 粽子 came about. For the benefit of those who aren't exposed to the Chinese culture, it is a story about a patriotic Chinese minister, Qu Yuan upon hearing that the Zhou had been defeated by the Qin, fell into despair and threw himself into the Milou River. It is said that 粽子 had been thrown into the river by the villagers who resides nearby in order to lure fishes away from their folk hero, to prevent the fishes from eating Qu Yuan's flesh, so that he can have a proper burial.

Thats the introduction. The question that bugged me since a few days ago, is the origins of 粽子. Is it that the 粽子 had been there before the incident and is made famous by its application to save the minister, Qu Yuan, or it is created by the villager for the purpose of luring the fishes away from the corpse? Personally, i am sided towards the former proposal. The crux of my argument is that the villagers wont take time to steam or bake the rice just to lure the fishes away. The natural tendency is that they grab whatever they had that is potentially more appealing than the corpse, not create something new just to lure the fishes away.

People in favour of the proposal that the 粽子 is created initially to lure away the fishes might argue that the initial 粽子 is just cooked rice that the villagers happened to be cooking at the time of the drowning, wrapped in lotus leaves in order to help the rice to descend into the river. It just so happened that the original 粽子 slowly evolved into a delicacy that we enjoy today. There are some truth in it. I agreed that the 粽子 is the evolved form of the first lotus-leaf-wrapped-rice. But somehow, i'm skeptical about the fact that the firsts of the 粽子 were fish lure. Who would want to eat fish lure? As a Chinese myself, i wouldn't think of fish lure as delicacy, let alone eating it and modifying it in order for it evolve into the 粽子 we see today.

In contrast, if 粽子 WERE to exist before the incident, it will certainly gain fame due to its application as a tool to help salvage the corpse of a folk hero. Superstitious Chinese of yore would do whatever they can to get associated with something good or prestigious, in this case, eating a delicacy that supposedly helped in luring aquatic animals away from the minister's corpse, no matter how morbid or gross it might be to the current generation. Hence, possibly, due to the association with the minister, 粽子 gained fame. The increasing demand for the delicacy helped the food to evolve into the form we see today.

So what do you think? Let me hear your thoughts and argument. Though it wont change the history, it is an interesting topic that one as a Chinese should ponder, one as a outsider should marvel, one as a Historian to not take for granted, and last but not least, for a cook to appreciate Chinese cooking to a greater degree.

Perfection? nope life isn’t about it.

I'm sure you have heard of this song before.

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

It used to be one of my favourite songs. As the matter of fact, it still is. I would listen to it when I got scolded by parents, feeling inadequate and small. Using the song to console myself, convincing me that everyone is like that, misunderstood by their parents was the way Ii run away from my woes and continue to live as though nothing happened. GARH!! An epiphany struck me like lightning. There is a flaw in my reasoning. Not everyone is like that. This song is a song for those who can’t meet the unreasonable expectation of their parents. My parents, their demand wasn’t that unreasonable at all. I’m not going to get drown in my lack of confidence, just because of one song that wasn’t meant for me in the first place.

JIAYOU!

P/S Simple Plan fans: Disclaimer: I am not criticising Simple Plan. Anyway, I love their songs too!

谁的摩羯座？

年轻的魔羯都是很单纯的，我想他们也不会知道自己将从天使变成恶魔，魔羯座的人天生善良，感情也都很脆弱，也许会因为一些很小的事情难过很长时间，所以他们通常在表面表现的酷酷的与事隔离的样子，其实他们只是不希望让别人看到他脆弱的一面，坚强，理智，承受是魔羯的代名词，他们并不是很随便的表达自己所想，他们希望了解身边所有人的性格，并不是因为好奇，好象只是因为一种安全感，为了保护自己魔羯生出了一种特殊能力。


魔羯相对任何星座来比能在最段时间看出一个人的性格无论他们在如何隐藏，这点很像天蝎但是他们却看不出对方的心，他们很容易就会了解到他们身边每一个人的优缺点，但是他们通常不会说出来，也不会太介意，所有的魔羯都很包容对方请记得，如果有一只魔羯指出你的缺点那一定是友善的，虽然他们会用一种讽刺的口气来指出。


所有魔羯都拥有２个性格，只是大部分魔羯都不愿意去接受，因为他们希望自己永远的傻傻的活下去，魔羯的坏可以媲美过所有星座，也许他们不相信，但是随着时间的积累魔羯的人在慢慢变坏，其实这也是一种自我保护，他们需要知道了解自己最后的一张王牌，做不做就看对方是否达到让魔羯抱负的地步了，这并不是在表扬，似乎用阴险可以形容，当魔羯讨厌一个人的时候那就是一种绝对，魔羯不会随便讨厌一个人，但是如果哪个人做的太过分，这个人会从魔羯心底彻底抹杀，如果这个人激怒了魔羯，呵呵那么这个人就只能等着灾难的降临。


魔羯是个比较城府的人，他们不会表面去得罪了，但是他们会计划着让这个人知道他所做的事情将会给自己带来多大的回报，魔羯的报复手段极其残忍，他会加倍的还给你，（如果你有一天遭受到摸名的灾难那么你去想想你在什么时候得罪了魔羯）魔羯并不会随便的去加害一个人，因为魔羯也讨厌自己的坏，他们是天才的杀手，一切的一切从很早以前就做好计划，而且这些计划在没有事件出现前他们就在考虑如何完美并无破绽的进行报复计划，也许这些和他的悲观有些联系，魔羯的人很了解世界，但他们固执的相信美好尽管自己知道那是不可能的，大部分魔羯都讨厌坏坏的自己，当然想抛弃自己是不可能的。


朋友（最喜欢装傻的星座）
魔羯的人都很没有安全感，他们喜欢在任何人面前装傻，这可不是一般的装傻能力，魔羯人聪明就在于这点，他们认为只有傻子在会不牵扯到任何伤害，与其做一个聪明的人不如当一个傻子平凡而又随意，如果不是值得魔羯相信的朋友魔羯永远不会让对方知道自己会有智慧，而无论安全与不安全魔羯对朋友都很真，他们很珍惜些朋友。


他们最希望获得朋友的信任，如果从一个朋友那里得不到信任，他不会再与这个朋友交往下去．和魔羯接触过的人都会认为他们脾气很好，好的似乎发傻，其实他们并不是脾气好，只是他们很会装，因为他们了解身边的朋友的所有性格，所以他们在包容对方，就算你做了什么过分的事，他们也早就想考虑好如果对方为什么会这样做，最明显一点，你们可以去看看身边魔羯的朋友，无论你怎么做那些魔羯都不会很惊讶的，其实他们已经知道你为什么会这样了．魔羯的交友观也很随便，他们可能会和贵族很好，也可能会和乞丐聊天，一切的一切只是心灵的交往，很少有魔羯会有势力眼，除非你这个人品太差了。


感情（超级白痴）
魔羯的人傻的可以，他们并不了解爱情，但是他们只知道爱的感觉，对于他们任何感情的表达都是一种感觉，他们很认真的感受每一个感觉，大部分感觉都可以一个人去感觉，最失败的爱却要两个人，傻傻的魔羯一开始会认为，爱你是我自己的事情和你没关系，可是到后来越来越感觉不是滋味，于是开始对对方表白，表白成功后却不知道如何走下一步，也许是太不浪漫在作祟，魔羯的人可能会拿任何事情开玩笑，但是在爱情方面只要他说出”我爱你”或者话题谈到将来结婚，那么他绝对不是在开玩笑，魔羯很物质，但是这点和金牛处女不一样，他们的物质表现在爱上，他们认为给所爱的人带来无限的物质的就是最大的幸福，因为他们很自卑，唯一能用自己努力获得来的就只有物质了。


当自己努力的去让自己所爱的人幸福的时候，自己所爱的人却因为其他的其他离开了他，而到最后自己却不明白自己到底做错了什么，真是可怜的家伙们。


追求: 魔羯的追求是认真的，只要对方不让魔羯认为完全没有机会，魔羯就会像疯子一样的追求着，他们其实对自己非常没有信心，唯一的动力只是相信自己在爱着，为了对的起自己的感情，为了认真的去爱一回。


被追求:　魔羯对于不喜欢的人不会给予任何机会，魔羯的人很善良，而且他们知道长痛不如短痛的道理，如果魔羯勉强接受了你，那也是出于一种同情心，但是交往没几天他们就开始内疚，他们认为怜悯的爱对追求者来说是一种伤害，他们会尽量的躲避并且对追求者很冷淡追求者尽量的让追求者开始讨厌她／他．如果追求者不理解的话，放心最长不超过一年，魔羯会很理智的告诉你别在联系了，她／他会消失的无影无纵。


拒绝:　如果魔羯真的爱了就不会去拒绝你，永远不会。


被拒绝:　魔羯比任何一个星座对感情都很认真，恢复伤痕的时间也很长，他们会选择消失，这样对你对他都有好处，因为他怕多看你一眼而又再次无法自拔。他怕再多看你一眼。心如刀割。